Tri-City Ledger -

By Earline Crews
Guest Writer 

Birthday memories


August 13, 2020

Today being my 76th year on this good earth I decided to share some of my most embrassing moments. I am at that stage in life that it is all funny now, but when these things happened I thought my life was over.

Here goes,

I was a first grader, my family was ‘church mouse poor', I wore pretty homemade feed sack dresses and bloomers made from bolts of white broadcloth. Mama kept us in good underwear. She bought cards of elastic to put in the waist and legs....................bloomers.

So, I was playing with the girls on the playground and the boys played nearby in their own rough and tumble games. Us girls were playing hopscotch. I was jumping and hopping when my bloomers fell off my behind to hang around my knees. The elastic had broken at the waist, the elastic in the legs kept the bloomers from falling completely off as my knobby knees caught them. I grabbed the remains to hobble away, sit down and cry.

Laughing and screaming and pointing at me from both girls and boys.

Our teacher, Mrs. Marble Currie came to my rescue and took control of the situation. I got my bloomers pinned back together.

My self confidense fell down to minus zero for a long time.

That was a bad day.

I was a cute kid though according to my school picture.

Fifth grade brought my first and only fight. I slapped the class "anointed one". It felt very good, but before I did the deed, I paid a high price in loss of self confidence.

We were scheduled to have school pictures taken, I wanted to have curls in my straight hair. I needed to get some upgrade to make me happy. I pestered Mama to cut my bangs. She promised to do it after supper and when she had some down time that night. I was needy and whined about until my brother decided he would sheer me. He cut at an uphill angle.

Mama pin curled my hair that night, I was so beautiful that morning ( in the mirror).

I walked into the classroom expecting to hear my subjects applaud.

The "anointed one", spoke loud and clear,

"Earline's hair looks like she is wearing and umbrella on her head".

I got pay back when she was standing in front of the class giving her report and I stuck out my tongue at her.

She mouthed, "Bangs".

I saw red, jumped up and slapped the fire out of her cheek.

She ran from the classroom crying.

I sat down and cried, not from being sorry I did that, but from nerves and total embrassment.

Took me years to get comfortable with my grooming efforts.

My picture shows she was right but.....................................dang it.

Eighth grade, cheerleader, waxy orange colored Tangee lipstick wearer, tissue stuffed bra wearer, needy for approval nobody.

I was without any notepaper when our teacher, Principal B. G. Tew announced a pop quiz.

I leaned over to the student sitting in front of me to ask if I could borrow a sheet of paper.

I passed gas........................LOUD.

Pressure against my stomach caused the moment to be a long, drawn out flubbering.

Not a single sound in that classroom at that exact moment.

Eyes from everywhere looked at ME.

Linda, the one to always turn red at the drop of a pin started to snicker followed by gwaffing from the four corners of the earth.

Mr. Tew cleared his throat before walking out of the classroom.

Black spots in my vision.................................

Eleventh grade admirer smiled and pitched woo all year. I played coy and never gave him any definate encouragement because my Daddy was strict and didn't allow me to date. I really wanted to go to the movies with him, but knew it was hopeless so I kept him hanging and hopeful.

Summer found me in the field picking cotton one hot steamy morning. I was sweating, dirty and listening to Elvis sing on the radio that sat on the back porch. Elvis had me focused. I didn't see the little yellow VW drive into our lane.

Mama came to the porch to tell me I had a caller.


She gave me the name.

I fainted.

I made excuses for Mama to convey to him for me. I simply couldn't let him see me in my natural habitat. Mama was furious with me for putting her in that position.

I suffered all the rest of that summer thinking about how I would handle things between us when school started back in the fall.

First day back I watched and listened as I saw him holding hands with a cute Freshman.

I died a slow death of embrassment as I heard, "Cotton Picker".

I had earned that grand slam.


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