Arguing. Why do we spend so much time doing it? I've thought about it recently when I've watched the national news. I thought about it again when my daughter got into an argument online with a stranger that didn't see eye-to-eye with her. I was reminded of it, yet again, when I found myself embroiled in an argument with someone close to me.
Not so very long ago, I was speaking to my mother, whom I've come to realize may be one of the wisest people that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. I was explaining to her my irritation over an argument that I was in and I expressed the phrase “I just don't understand why he doesn't get it.”
Her reply has gone around and around in my head ever since.
She said, “Don't waste your time trying to convince someone that they are wrong. If they are wrong, they already know it and refuse to admit it, or if they don't realize they are wrong yet, they will. It's not worth your time and its not your job to waste your breath.”
Wow...I was blown away. Is that what I've been doing all these years? Have I just been wasting my breath? What about the times that I was wrong?
She was right. Anytime that I was wrong in an argument either a part of me knew it already and my pride was too great to admit it, or I eventually realized I was wrong and was a great deal more humble upon that realization.
Is that what is happening in our country on a national level? Democrats verses Republicans. Gun enthusiast versus gun control. Pro-choice versus Pro-life. Build the wall versus open borders.
Both sides of the isle are convinced that they are right and the other side is wrong. The screaming matches we have all seen on CNN and Fox News become the morning talk of the town in the local convenience stores and coffee shops where locals gather to chitchat about the newest wave of gossip.
We've sat idly by and let arguments become a form of entertainment. We've let it take over the news. The NEWS. The place that we once turned to in order to stay informed and be able to form our own opinion about the workings of the world. We've allowed talking heads and mannequins pick sides and metaphorically take up arms to argue for us, and we let the madness ensue.
Arguing has become such a form of everyday life that we engage on social media platforms as well. How many of us, has stumbled across an argument on Facebook and scrolled down to see the inevitable meme of someone eating popcorn as a symbol that that person is enjoying the 'show' or argument.
When did we decide it was more important to be right than to be empathetic? When did we stop listening to the other person or trying to understand why they feel the way that they do?
I have news for you folks, most of the time, and this may be a shocker, both sides are right and both sides are wrong. This is because the world is not a black and white place. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the world is made up of black, white, many shades of gray and a rainbow in-between.
We need to stop wasting our breath trying to prove that we are right just to boost our ego for a fleeting moment before moving on to the next argument to win. The truth is it accomplishes nothing.
If we could all, and I do mean all, slow down and think about the problems we face whether those problems are personal, with our town, with our state, with our country or with our world on a global level, we might be able to fix those problems. Imagine if everyone took all the energy they waste arguing and poured that energy into solving problems instead of arguing about them, we just might start to see changes.
So I challenge you (and myself, if I'm honest) the next time an argument pops up, pause, take a breath instead of wasting one, and think about if you'll solve anything by being right. Maybe, just maybe, by not engaging or being sucked into a pointless debate, you will be right after all.
